In Defence Of Being Selfish

Being selfish is rarely perceived as a good thing. We are always taught how being selfish is bad and how being considerate of others and acting in a selfless way is a much better way to live life. It’s true, it is much nicer to be mindful of others and do things to help the people around us but every now and again it’s much more beneficial to us if we’re a little selfish. It’s not about being cruel to others or not caring, but instead it’s about prioritising yourself, and that’s something most of us could definitely benefit from doing more of. 

Taking care of ourselves in more ways than just physically is becoming increasingly popular, and that can only be a good thing. Being more self-aware of the things that make us feel great & strong and those that leave us feeling exhausted and depleted can help us all to feel better. In order to protect ourselves and make sure we are feeling the best that we can we sometimes need to be  a little selfish. 

There’s a misconception that being selfish can leave you as someone who is cold, calculating and ultimately not a very good person. Of course, if you’re being excessively selfish, only ever doing what you want to do when you want to and thats having a detrimental impact on the people around you then it may be time to take a step back and re-evaluate. But if you’re someone who always prioritises others over you, you do the things you hate to please others and ultimately make yourself feel worse then that needs to change. This is the point at which you need to re-evalutae and start doing little selfish act to benefit yourself. 

Being selfish doesn’t have to be a drastic change, maybe it’s re-arranging some dinner plans after a long and tiring week. Maybe it’s not constantly going out of your way for other people and getting nothing in return. There are many ways we can be selfish, just like there are many ways to be selfless, and most of them do not involve hurting anyone else or upsetting them, just prioritising our own well-being. Sometimes life will throws us a curve ball, things don't go entirely according to plan and we need to make ourselves top priority. In life, no one else is responsible for your happiness other than you, so when you need to take some time out to look after yourself make sure you do it. 

No one is ever going to turn around and tell you to be selfish, and we can’t count on anyone to be telling us that. Just as it is our own responsibility to create our own happiness and success it is also our own responsibility to ensure that we are taking care of ourselves and prioritising our needs, even if that does mean being a little selfish. For me, selfishness and self care go hand in hand. It’s when I am in most need to taking care of myself that I could always do with being a little more selfish and pulling back a little. You don’t need to become withdrawn but sometimes we can find ourselves in the cycle of giving so much to the people around us, particularly if we don’t get anything back, that we don’t’ have anything left for ourselves. We need to make sure that this doesn’t happen and we’re the only ones who can do that. 

There’s also a lot to be said for being selfish whilst you’re young. Right now I have no real responsibilities, yes I have to go to work and pay tax etc but I don’t have anyone who is dependent on me, I don’t have a mortgage and if I want to be a little bit selfish I can be. To me that means prioritising my career, it means making sure I carve our some alone time every week to do whatever I fancy doing, it means scheduling in time to work out, travel and see friends. All these things ultimately only benefit me. Sure, down the line I may have a family that benefits from my hard work now, but that’s a maybe, all I know for sure is that right now I have more opportunities to be selfish than I am ever likely to have again, therefore I need to make the most of them. I need to take them with both hands, make myself top priority and soak up every moment of it. This certainly isn’t to say that you can’t incorporate a little more selfishness and self-preservation at any age, it may just be slightly more challenging to carve out the time as career continue to grow and some of us start to navigate family life. None of the ways in which I am selfish are harming anyone else, I still love and care for the people in my life, I will still pick up the 2am phone call or go out of my way to help a friend in need. I’m not going to take up two seats on the train unnecessarily or hog all of the office treats (this is definitely more of a try not to….), I’m just going to make sure that in the midst of all of this I am still doing things to benefit myself, to take care of me and my future. 

There are plenty of ways in which being selfish is bad, there’s no debating that. But there are also so many brilliant and empowering ways we can all be a little bit more selfish. Being selfish gets a bad rap, yes we need to be mindful of others but really at the heart of selfishness is making sure that we are caring for ourselves and making ourselves happy. There are bound to be times in your life when this is slightly easier, or you have more freedom to do so, when these moments come along seize them. You don’t win any awards by giving so much of yourself to others that you have nothing left for you, yes it is so important to be kind and help the people around you, but before we can start saving the world we need to stay in our own boats for a little while and be a little selfish.