When was the last time you felt that familiar, uncomfotable pang of guilt? Was it when a friend announced they’d got a well-earned promotion, or when you saw someone else on Instagram jetting off on holiday? Ultimately it doesn’t really matter what caused it, that feeling is horrible but boy do we all know it well. Jealously is something that we all have to come up against in one form or another at some point in life. Whether it’s personal or professional, there will always be people who are achieivng the things we want or doing the things we wish we could be doing before us. It’s life, it’s totally natural to feel that way but we never discuss it.

Jealousy is something that is shrowded in so much shame. As children we have it drummed into use that to feel jealous is bad, that you should only ever feel happy for other people and if you feel jealous then that is a fault with you. It’s as though if you feel jealous of other people then it makes you a bad person, and that just isn’t the case.

Everyone has at somepoint felt jealous. It’s a totally normal human reaction and doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person in the slightest. You can be genuinely happy for your friend who has just bought a new house but also feel jealous that you are nowhere near achieving that. You can be excited for the friend who just got a huge pay rise whilst wishing that your hard work was being recognised too. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be something as big as that, maybe you’re feeling jealous of everyone who doesn’t have to work over the weekend. Whatever it is that’s causing that feeling, you aren’t a bad person.

When it comes to feeling jealous I think it’s so much more about how you deal with that emotion than the fact you feel it in the first place. It’s normal for all of us to feel like that and sometimes it isn’t even that clear why we’re jealous of someone else but it doesn’t matter. It can be easy to spiral a little, to get into the hole of self-pity, comparison or even spitefulness but I think that’s a key distinction, feeling jealous and being spiteful are not the same thing. If you take that emotion and lash out at the other person, decide not to congratulate them or start to behave differently around them because they have what you want then that’s not ok. But if you can take that feeling and turn it into something more positive then ultimatley it doesn’t matter that you felt that way to begin with.

I always find that talking to the other person is always a good place to start. Maybe you don’t confess that you’re deeply jealous of them but instead just tackle it head on, cogratulate them on whatever it is that you’re jealous of or tell them how excited you are for them. There’s something about forcing yourself to be enthusiastic and congratulate them that really helps to break down that bubbling feeling of jealousy. Engage in conversation with them and find out more about whatever it is that’s going on in their life. After all, it’s clearly important to them and your support will probably mean the world. It’s also worth remembering that the headline you see may not be the whole story. Sometimes speaking with someone else and finding out what it’s taken them to get to this point can be enough to calm the jealousy.

Whilst it can leave you feeling like crap in the short term, jealousy can also be a brilliant motivator. It can often shine a light on what it is you want to be doing and can really clarify what you need to do to get there. If you can then you could alwys reach out to the person who’s achieving what you want to be doing. Ask the questions and learn about how they got to that point. Often it’s nowhere near as easy as it seems and you don’t see the sacrifices that they’ve made along the way. The best way to get yourself out of that jealou stail-spin is to start focusing your energy on something else so examine why it is that you’re jealous and start working towards what you want.

Although jealousy can shine a light on exactly what you want it can also show you exactly what you don’t want. With Instagram, and the internet generally, showing you what everyone else is doing all of the time it can be so easy to get caught up in what you think you should be doing. You can think that you want to travel the world 365 days of the year whilst also buying a property in the English countryside to renovate, when in reality maybe you don’t want those things at all. Asking yourself if you truly want that person’s lifestyle and the things they have can be a great way to break down that feeling. If your answer is no then there really is no need to feel jealous. We can all think that we want these lifestyles that we see in front of that but in reality do you want to work like that on those projects in those places? If no then acknowledge that and start working towards what you do actually want.

Fundementally I don’t think that feeling jealous of anyone around you is a bad thing, it does not make you more flawed than any other human on the planet. However, if you take that jealousy and start to use that as the fuel for spitefulness and bitterness then that’s where things change. We all have the choice to support one another and shout about our victories, we need more of that in this world. Next time you start to notice that feeling creeping in face it head on. What is it that you’re really jealous of? Or do you even want this anyway? Turn that negative energy into something positive and use it as an excuse to keep pushing yourself forward. Whether it’s a stranger on the internet or your closest friend, it’s ok if you feel a bit jealous from time to time, just don’t let it get in the way of being a supportive friend and throw you off course.